Fiesta

A sharp-eyed Sporting Press reader captured this picture of Reno at the Fiesta Bowl. That's him standing between the "Jan" and the "1" on the left. Reno and Spike wound up sitting on Row 40 on the 20 yardline at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Ariz.

Along the way, Reno and Spike survived a historic blizzard, 14-hours of monosyllabic conversation enroute to Phoenix, several bottles of vodka, repeated encounters with a drunken Sooner fan known only as "Cranberry," questionable bathroom habits and a tainted piece of chewing gum, a harrowing and narrowly avoided automobile accident in Albuquerque, mistakenly wandering into a Boise State pep rally clad in crimson-and-cream, being hugged by an 86-year-old man who thought Adrian Peterson was Billy Sims, and lunch at the Golden Corral in Gallup, N.M.

Okay, so we don't know if the pair actually survived the latter. The lab work is not back yet.

All in all, a typical road trip for the Dynamic Duo.

Comments

[Dr. Cornholing]

Great. Did they raise any money for LDB's artificial legs? Or did they spend the whole time selfishly reveling?

[AMA]

We are worried about the "tainted gum". What's up with this?

[AP: LDB dead]

Baltimore County Hospital announced today that LDB is dead. Hospital spokesperson Dr. Nkembe Motutu said “He die because we cut his legs off ‘cause he drink so much and then he light a doobie in the oxygen tent and blow hisself up.” Dr. Motutu also noted that “LDB say he get money from pooters or prosters or somebody and they pay his bills. Now he dead and we ain’t got nothin’ from him.”

Felix Stallworth, the hospital mortician, said that LDB’s ashes are in an 8 oz. former Fish Oil container. “Christ he mushed hisself when he lit that doobie! I mean all that was left that you could make out was a finger and one of his nuts.”

Eddie Runyon, a male nurse at Baltimore CH, said that LDB’s last words were “Wow, look at that…..arrrrr!”

Funeral arrangements are incomplete, but also according to Eddie Runyon, LDB expressed the desire for mourners to honor him by “giving your life’s savings to the first wino you encounter after reading these words.”

[AP: Dr. Cornholing dead; killed, eaten by polar bear]

The Alaska Wildlife Service announced today that the esteemed Dr. Cornholing has been attacked and eaten by a polar bear. “We have no idea why he was on an ice floe, but he was, and a polar bear ate him. We were able to find his wallet in some nearby excrement, and also located his expired medical license.”

State officials expressed shock and dismay at the loss to mankind and particularly the medical community. “Hell, there wasn’t nobody like Doc Cornholing,” someone exclaimed.

Funeral arrangements are incomplete, but it is anticipated that his wallet and expired medical license will lie in state in Juneau.

[AP: Lord dead]

The Lord is dead. Fortunately this will make little practical difference for Sporting Press poosters who ignored The Lord anyway.

The bereaved can huddle together in mindless packs of marauders as they await the thunderous and impending final thunderclap.

[AP: Tyrone dead]

Now Tyrone dead too.

Somebody done hit him upside the head with a bottle of MD 20/20.

[AP: Mr. Boring murdered]

Antuwan Boring's body was found in his home yesterday. An andiron was removed from his tiny head.

His mother, Celeste Boring, was arrested and charged with murder. At her arraignment, she said that any mother would have killed "a worthless sumbitch like Antuwan. That boy was still living at home at age 38."

Mrs. Boring's trial date is set for May 18th.

[Reno]

Wait a minute. You're telling me Mr. Boring's first name was "Antuwan?"

How could someone be boring with a name like that?

And why are all these people dying?

[Otzi of the Eisack]

Probably because they have no forum.

As for me, I am already dead. Of course with my new ass I am also a sex machine.

And, yes, Mr. Boring's first name was Antuwan. You probably assumed he was a white guy, but he wasn't, and may God rest his soul.