SOMEWHERE KICKING THEM WHILE THEY'RE DOWN (SP) -- They may have forfeited their 2005 wins and have a scholarship or three fewer to award in the coming seasons, but Oklahoma Sooner fans are not about to let the travails of other programs go uncommented on -- ESPECIALLY if that program is Texas.
The Sooner Shooter e-mails SPORTING PRESS with a batch of Henny Youngman-esque one-liners. Pile on.
1. What do you call a drug ring in Austin ? A huddle.
2. Four UT Longhorns in a car, who's driving? The
police.
3. The UT Longhorns have adopted a new "Honor System".
Yes Your Honor, No Your Honor.
4. The UT Longhorns knew they had to do something for
their defense, so they hired a new defensive
coordinator: F. Lee Bailey.
5. How do the UT Longhorns spend their first week at
fall practice? Studying their Miranda Rights.
6. What do you say to a Longhorn in a suit? Will the
defendant please rise?
7. If you see Longhorn football player on a bike, why
don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bike!
8. The Longhorns employ scouts. But to look out for
cops, not to scout high school kids.
9. I heard a rumor that the Texas Department of
Corrections plans to build a new prison in Austin ,
Texas in order to allow Longhorns to walk to school.
10. What do you call it, when a Longhorn goes on
vacation? Time off for good behavior.
11. Why couldn't the Longhorn get into a huddle on the
football field? It's a parole violation to associate
with known felons.
12. Obviously Coach Mack Brown is not paying his
players if they have to resort to robbing people.
13. BOOK 'EM, HORNS!
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