Sporting Press

Cover Model

SOMEWHERE ENGAGING IN A COVER UP (SP) -- The SP Tracer (as we like to call him) has been busy of late. He penned the cover art for this week's SportsPage Dallas Cowboys/NFL Preview. See it on the SPORTING PRESS Big Site first!

Book 'Em Horns

SOMEWHERE KICKING THEM WHILE THEY'RE DOWN (SP) -- They may have forfeited their 2005 wins and have a scholarship or three fewer to award in the coming seasons, but Oklahoma Sooner fans are not about to let the travails of other programs go uncommented on -- ESPECIALLY if that program is Texas.

The Sooner Shooter e-mails SPORTING PRESS with a batch of Henny Youngman-esque one-liners. Pile on.

1. What do you call a drug ring in Austin ? A huddle.

2. Four UT Longhorns in a car, who's driving? The
police.

3. The UT Longhorns have adopted a new "Honor System".
Yes Your Honor, No Your Honor.

4. The UT Longhorns knew they had to do something for
their defense, so they hired a new defensive
coordinator: F. Lee Bailey.

5. How do the UT Longhorns spend their first week at
fall practice? Studying their Miranda Rights.

6. What do you say to a Longhorn in a suit? Will the
defendant please rise?

7. If you see Longhorn football player on a bike, why
don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bike!

8. The Longhorns employ scouts. But to look out for
cops, not to scout high school kids.

9. I heard a rumor that the Texas Department of
Corrections plans to build a new prison in Austin ,
Texas in order to allow Longhorns to walk to school.

10. What do you call it, when a Longhorn goes on
vacation? Time off for good behavior.

11. Why couldn't the Longhorn get into a huddle on the
football field? It's a parole violation to associate
with known felons.

12. Obviously Coach Mack Brown is not paying his
players if they have to resort to robbing people.

13. BOOK 'EM, HORNS!

Lip Service

SOMEWHERE GETTING LIPPY (SP) -- SPORTING PRESS happened to be in San Diego, Calif., over the weekend where we caught a free concert by the Flaming Lips in the Petco Ballpark parking lot on Saturday night.

During "The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song," singer Wayne Coyne exercised his Freedom of Speech at the expense of George Bush, prompting a short fella behind me to lamely complain: "I like Bush." Several people turned to look at him, thinking he was kidding.

"No. Really," he said.

He looked so lonely.

How can you not love a band with confetti cannons and hundreds of giant, bright orange balloons?

Anyway ... let's go to the videotape. What? There's no videotape? Surely someone had a cellphone cam?

David's Air Jordan Collection, Pt 2

SOMEWHERE AIRING ON THE SIDE OF JORDAN (SP) -- Another Friday, another pair of classic kicks from our man David. Check 'em out:

Purple Jesus

SOMEWHERE EATING CROW APPETIZER? (SP) -- So maybe he won't be the NFL's version of Grant Hill. But, as they say, it's only the pre-season. Check out Adrian Peterson's run against the Jets.

David's Air Jordan Collection, Pt 1

SOMEWHERE TRYING ON SHOES (SP) -- My Friend David has around 740 pairs of shoes, 600 of which are Air Jordan’s. Each Friday, he carefully removes one from the box and, weather permitting, wears it to work. In a SPORTING PRESS exclusive, David has agreed to photograph his feet each Friday and share his collection with SP readers.

Enjoy.

UPDATE: The threat of rain in North Texas this afternoon prompted David to change shoes.

"Weather WAS frightful, so the Jay’s had to go back home. New pic!!" he said.

Here are the afternoon kicks:

Peterson Leaves Vikes' Practice with Injury

SOMEWHERE SUFFERING FROM A RECURRING CASE OF DEJA VU (SP) -- Get used to this headline. He was elbowed in the hip, fer cryin' out loud. Let's hope no one actually tackles the guy. Prediction: Peterson is the Grant Hill of football.

Sporting Press Returns ... Again

SOMEWHERE GETTING BUSY (SP) -- Maybe you've noticed. Maybe not. Sporting Press is back in action at www.sportingpress.com. We'll be posting new fake sports stories and sports cartoons in the coming days.

Burying the lede, perhaps, but the Gravy Barn will also be making its triumphant return in the coming days. Mixer has generously offered to moderate a board and Kansai Krap, Ltd., is looking into some new message board technology so, one way or another, you miscreants will soon have a new home away from home (other than the comment section of the blog).