Sporting Press Returns ... Again

SOMEWHERE GETTING BUSY (SP) -- Maybe you've noticed. Maybe not. Sporting Press is back in action at www.sportingpress.com. We'll be posting new fake sports stories and sports cartoons in the coming days.

Burying the lede, perhaps, but the Gravy Barn will also be making its triumphant return in the coming days. Mixer has generously offered to moderate a board and Kansai Krap, Ltd., is looking into some new message board technology so, one way or another, you miscreants will soon have a new home away from home (other than the comment section of the blog).

Comments

[AP: Sporting Press CEO triumphant...]

Shirley Hartsbarger, SP's 700 lb. bull dyke lesbian CEO, will soon re-open the Gravy Barn.

Probably scared the poop out of the lazy mutts when she saved them from being smited.

[AP: Sporting Press CEO Rushed to Hospital!]

AP: Shirley Hartsbarger, Sporting Press' newly appointed CEO, was rushed to Central Hospital this morning where surgeons performed an emergency hemorroidectomy. Dr. Felix Bogar removed the punching bag-sized hemorrhoid shortly after 11:00AM

"Goddern," a close friend of Ms. Hartsbarger exclaimed, "you shoulda seen that thang! Mike Tyson coulda used it fer boxin' practice! I think it growed real big when Ms. Hartsbarger was shootin' farballs out of her ass at those riotin' school kids. Jeez Louise!"

Ms. Hartsbarger is expected to return to Sporting Press tomorrow, barring complications.

[AP: Sporting Press CEO Returns to Work]

Shirley Hartsbarger, Sporting Press' 700 lb bull dyke lesbian CEO, returned to work today after yesterday's emergency hemorrhoidectomy.

Ms. Hartsbarger was kind enough to place her now-removed punching bag-sized hemorrhoid in a jar of formaldehyde in the main lobby.

All may now share in what has been described as the biggest hemorrhoid ever seen on a human being.

[pat m]

does sporting press have an email address or were can i advertise how does this work?

[LoreneWILSON]

Every one knows that humen's life is not cheap, but different people require cash for different things and not every man gets big sums cash. Thence to receive fast loan or commercial loan would be good way out.

[Brick Stevens]

Pat M ... we're in the process of launching SP as a full-featured Web site. At that point, we will definitely be accepting advertising. If you have any questions, we can be reached at sportingpress@hotmail.com

[Success is Assured...]

Look, as long as SP has a dynamic Acting CEO like Bucky Hostetter, you should have full confidence that the new "full-featured web site" will be a dramatic success.

And as long as Brick is around....

[Success is Assured...amen]

Boy that's the truth! If it hadn't a been for Hostetter getting all that money from Obama...

Plus, Sporting Press HQ used to get attacked all the time by angry mobs. Since Hostetter took over they ain't been attacked but once. And they ain't likely to be attacked again now that they got that automatic flame thrower mob repeller system.

[Success is Assured with Bucky in charge...]

I wish they'd put Bucky Hostetter in charge of the BP oil spill. By God he'd have that thing fixed in 24 hours!

[Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter Back in Rehab]

SP spokesman Brownie Cornholing* announced today that SP leader Bucky Hostetter is back in alcohol rehab.

"Many of our readers have commented on Bucky's odd low profile lately," explained PR man Cornholing. "Well the simple truth is that periodically the enormous pressure of his job gets to Mr. Hostetter. All concerned did an intervention and packed Mr. Hostetter off to a clinic in Minnesota."

Amanda Littlejoy, Hostetter's curent girlfriend, observed that Hostetter had reached a point where he was frequently passed out in his office and also on the grounds. Worse, Hostetter was convinced that sky serpents were constantly threatening the Sporting Press compound.

No word yet as to Hostetter's likely return.

*Readers may recognize the famous Cornholing name. Brownie Cornholing is the son of the famous Dr. Cornholing, a renowned medical man who was murdered by SP's failure to maintain a real message board.