Sports Page Weekly

SOMEWHERE COVERING UP (SP) -- Sporting Press cartoonist Steve Hill's illustration lands the coveted cover spot on this week's Sports Page Weekly in Dallas. 

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[SP's Hostetter Collapses During Speech!]

SP's Bucky Hostetter collapsed while giving a speech to the world's Holy Men. Witnesses said he was slurring his speech and when he simply keeled over and fell to the floor.

He was taken to the hospital where he later was reported to have been stinking drunk. Swiss medical personnel noted that Hostetter was "drunkern forty Billy Hell!"

[Feds to Bail Out Texas Tech]

"Goddamitee!" President Bush shouted. "The Okies put such an ass-whippin' on 'em, the government's gotta do somethin'. So we're sendin' 'em a coupla billion to kinda smooth things over. The grant is contingent on that jackass what's-his-name gettin' that facial tatoo removed".

[Feds to Bail Out Texas A&M]

President Bush announced this morning that Texas A&M will receive a billion dollars in bail out money. "It's a dang shame the way Texas teams are gettin' the hell beat out of 'em here lately. The rat thing to do is to send the Aggies a little bail out money to help 'em get thangs sorted out."

[Sporting Press Unveils FecaClub™]

The FecaClub™ is the discrete, sanitary way for your urgent relief. Created by a Board Certified gastroenterologist, it looks like an ordinary golf club, but contains a reservoir built into the grip to receive even the largest pinched loaf. The FecaClub™ is leak proof, easy to clean, and has a special feature known as NoStink™.

The FecaClub™ is available now from Sporting Press for $59.99. Not to be confused with the Uroclub™.

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