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SOMEWHERE FORGETTING YOU WERE BEATEN BY TECH (SP) -- SP Tracer takes on the Big 12 tiebreaker...

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[President Bush Endorses Feca Club™!]

"If the Feca Club™ ain't the epitome of American ingenuity and entrepreneurship," proclaimed President Bush in a joint news conference with SP's Bucky Hostetter, "then I don't know what is. I mean this is right up there with that guy that invented the rocket ship! Oh sure there’s some who would say it ain’t right for a President to endorse a product. To them I say ‘bite me!’"

SP’s Hostetter compared the use of the Feca Club™ to homeless people having sex in public. “Hell, don’t nobody even notice ‘em. It’s the same with the Feca Club™. People won’t even notice you using it ‘cause it isn’t in their psychic frame of reference. They’ll walk right past you and might even say ‘howdy’”.

Sales of the Feca Club™ are said to be “brisk”. President Bush is expected to order several million of the devices, one for every soldier, sailor, and marine; thereby firmly cementing his historical legacy.

[Holiday Tragedy at Sporting Press/Bowl Picks]

Yet another Sporting Press CEO has spontaneously combusted. Early this morning Bucky Hostetter burst into flame just minutes after finishing his Big 12 BCS bowl picks. Hostetter will be succeeded by Pete Pittington who has over 30 years experience driving a poultry truck, delivering live turkeys and chickens to slaughterhouses. Hostetter is something like the 5th straight SP CEO to spontaneously combust.

Prior to the combustion event, Hostetter picked Florida to “beat the shit out of Oklahoma”, noting that the Sooners are “pathetical in bowl games” and it’s a goddamn shame the Sooner didn’t get to play the “no account Buckeyes”, who are also “pathetical in Bowl games”. Florida 48, Sooners 17.

Texas will beat Ohio State by 17.

Texas Tech got lucky drawing Mississippi and might win but “who cares”? Hostetter noted that “they’s some other Big 12 bowl games but nobody gives a shit about them”.

Hostetter’s funeral arrangements are incomplete.