Sporting Press

Brick's Picks: Super Bowl Edition

By Brick Stevens

SportingPress.com Football Writer

TAMPA (SP) -- Some people think the worst thing about the Super Bowl, a showcase for corporate advertising occasionally interrupted by a football game, is the hype. The hype doesn’t bother this broadcaster. What I can’t deal with is the Roman numerals.

I don’t even like saying the word “numerals.” But “Roman numbers” just doesn’t sound right. It’s like Arizona Cardinals. 

I’m good with Roman numerals up to three, or “III” as they write in Rome. After that, none of the rules make sense. I took an informal office survey and only one person in the SportingPress.com newsroom could correctly write “43” in Roman Numerals, and he was laid off shortly thereafter.

If I have this correct, this is Super Bowl XXXADVIL.

Why have we allowed this practice to continue?

In 1944, America’s Greatest Generation stormed the beaches of Normandy to stop the metric system from invading the United States. George W. Bush waged war against French Fries. There are currently clandestine operations underway to rid America of Latin and that creepy eyeball on top of a pyramid that stares at you from the back of a dollar bill.

And yet, no one – other than me – has lifted a finger to stop Roman numerals. Not only have I lifted a finger, I have extended it in the general direction of Rome and its numerals. I don’t think I am alone, because as I drive the highways and byways of this great country of ours, I am constantly passing likeminded citizens who extend a finger at me in a heartwarming show of support for my cause – and I am touched deeply.

Super Bowl Preview 

By the end of Sunday’s game, every member of the Steelers defense will have knocked Cards QB Kurt Warner to the ground at least once. Unfortunately, Warner will have already completed a pass to Larry Fitzgerald or Anquan Boldin each time. Warner won’t be the recipient of the game’s hardest hit, however. That will come when Arizona offensive coordinator Todd Haley, having exhausted his supply of Arizona Cardinal players, trainers and cheerleaders to yell at, decides to scream at Bruce Springsteen during the halftime show and is clobbered with a baritone sax by Clarence “The Big Man” Clemons. Steelers and Cardinals alike will applaud the hit.

In the second half, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin will regret his decision to not field an offense this season.

Arizona 31
Pittsburgh 24

 

 

 

 

Romo Says He'll Provide Leadership in 2009

DALLAS (SP) -- Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo told The Dallas Morning News he intended to be a better leader next season.

"I'm definitely going to take a more active approach with that as we move forward from last year to this season," he said, according to the report. "I'll be very excited to get back out there and be with the guys and figure out a way to improve and get better and do the things we need to do to win. Period."

Asked by SportingPress.com what that meant, Romo said "I'm not sure. Let me ask T.O. what he wants me to do and I'll get back with you."

Daily Doodle

Carroll Takes Ball, Goes Home

LOS ANGELES (SP) -- USC quarterback Mark Sanchez, a fourth-year junior, will skip his senior year and turn his back on millions of dollars to enter the NFL draft, against the wishes of coach Pete Carroll.

He announced his plans at an uncomfortably tense press conference on Thursday, the deadline for underclassmen to declare for the draft. After Sanchez made his announcement, a visibly annoyed Carroll took the microphone and blasted the decision.

"I am disappointed in that the information that we have wasn't compelling enough to make it clear to him," he said. "Our view of it is, and as you guys will see as you dig into this a little bit more, you'll see that these early entry quarterbacks are less than 50-50 successful."

After making his comments, Carroll left the press conference without taking any questions and barely acknowledged Sanchez as the two passed, pausing only long enough to yank a football out of the quarterback's hands and holler, "IT'S MINE AND I'M TAKING IT HOME!!!" Carroll then stuck his tongue out at Sanchez.

SportingPress.com caught Carroll in the parking lot on his way out of USC's Heritage Hall and asked for more details on the "compelling information." Carroll told SportingPress.com that he reminded Sanchez that the quarterback would be walking away from a lot of money to play in the NFL.

"Look at Reggie Bush," Carroll said. "He left USC early and left behind a home for his parents, new cars, hundreds of thousands of dollars in spending money ... for what? He's playing in a freakin' toilet bowl. Where's Mark going to go? Detroit? Do you know that the temperature is today in Detroit? Four freakin' degrees! That's what it is. Four freakin' degrees! It's not Southern California, I can assure you!!!"

"It's selfish of him," Carroll continued. "Now I've got to take this team into Columbus with a rookie quarterback next season. Might as well mark that one down as a loss. Then we'll lose to some sorry Pac 10 team, like we always do, and suddenly we're a two-loss team with no shot at the national championship. That will cost the university millions and it will cost me millions in bonuses."

Carroll angrily threw the football at a cameraman.

Sanchez, meanwhile, stood by his decision.

"I know I'm walking away from a lot of money and perks by leaving USC," said Sanchez, who's on pace to graduate in May. "But I think it's important to get your degree and enter the workplace."

Daily Doodle

SportingPress.com NFL Conference Championship Picks

By Brick Stevens
SportingPress.com Football Writer

You know that video of the two rams charging and butting heads on the mountain? Now imagine watching it over and over again for three straight hours. The league's two top defenses take turns knocking each other's helmets off. Pittsburgh seemed to discover an offense last week and then discovered QB Ben Roethlisberger had a spinal concussion. Team physicians explained that players normally suffer brain concussions, but this wasn't an option for Roethlisberger and the concussion was forced to find another home. The Steelers' All-Pro Safety Troy Polamalu has a bum calf, but SportingPress.com has learned that his hair will suit up.

Pittsburgh 2, Baltimore 0

A game featuring two quarterbacks who lead the league in obits written. The career of the losing quarterback in this game is over. Really. We swear. The Kurt Warner-to-Larry Fitzgerald airshow will be interrupted only by a drunken fan hollering "BIGFOOT!" and chasing portly and hirsute Eagles coach Andy Reid around the field at the University of Phoenix Stadium. Reid will finish the game as the Eagles leading ground gainer.

Arizona 31, Eagles 21

Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven

MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced he would skip his senior season and ascend 
directly into heaven.



Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman winner walked into the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the 
podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters
fainted.



"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal
him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued.

"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.

"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America.

"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth." 

Daily Doodle

SOMEWHERE SICK OF "THE GREATEST COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME" (SP) -- I've already had a reporter ask if they can have a copy of the cartoon for Tebow to sign ... sigh ...

Daily Doodle

SOMEWHERE HAVING A FIESTA (SP) -- Nice game by Colt McCoy. Is there a better name for a Texas QB?