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January 26, 2009

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Sporting Press CEO Vanishes, Cash Missing

Sporting Press CEO Pete Pittington has disappeared from the Sporting Press complex and his whereabouts are unknown. Also missing is $1.3 million in petty cash*.

SP spokesperson Sidney Stone said that Pittington has not been seen for several days. His absence was detected when a maintenance man noticed that the petty cash box was missing from Pittington’s office. "Used to be right next to where he kept his whiskey," said the maintenance man.

SP officials are red-faced over the incident. “Christ, I wisht we had vetted Pittington a little more carefull!” said Stone. “We figured his 30 years of driving a poultry truck was an ideal qualification for CEO of a satirical sports web site. I guess we was wrong. Hell, now we got to find anothern.”

Pittington served as SP’s CEO for less than a month. Oddly, Pittington left his lava lamp behind. The lamp appears to reveal the Virgin Mary in one of the blobs. Pittington was known to be proud of the lamp and said he was going to contact holymarylamp.com.


*Sporting Press received $1 billion worth of U. S. government bailout money a month or so ago.

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