Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven

MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced he would skip his senior season and ascend 
directly into heaven.



Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman winner walked into the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the 
podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters
fainted.



"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal
him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued.

"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.

"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America.

"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth." 

Comments

[Big Orange]

This very tasteless and it shows your intelligence level. You and your losing program only wish that you had Tebow. Along with the rest of the country (including me a Tennessee Grad). Face it Bradford recieved a charity heismen! He is garabage along with the whole big 12! Futhermore, you have the highest paid over rated/choking head coach in the nation....so keep your head up LOSER!!!! GO VOLS!!!!!!!

[Oh yeah? Sez you!]

Well if you were a 6 year old boy with cancer who got cured last night, you would know Vol from Shinola.

[Susan Sasso]

Is this the Steve Hill who was a cartoonist for The Oklahoma Daily when he was a student at OU?

[Steve Hill]

That's the rumor, Ms. Sasso.

[Andrea]

That is a charming comment Big Orange. Good to know what an education in Tennessee produces. Try spell check. It's called a sense of humor....go get one.

[Leigh]

Oh my gosh, that's priceless. I love it. When the FOX announcers actually compared Tebow to Ghandi and opined that a person's life would be better for having been in Tebow's presence for a few minutes I wanted to die of embarrassment. They act as if Tim is the second coming of Christ. He's not the only nice kid who ever helmed a football team and I can understand why such a ridiculous statement invites people to make fun of the Tebow phenomenon. I can understand why people complain about the "PR hype machine" for Tebow. When he's compared to the man who liberated India through non violence, the praise has passed effusive and ventured into the realm of the ridiculous. This University of Florida fan is *not* offended by your article.

[Jake, Las Vegas, Nevada]

Tim Tebow is a great individual. I respect what he has done. Good for Tebow. He's not Ghandi, but he is a great humanitarian.

the article is a bit tasteless, but still funny.

[Chris]

LMAO! thats awesome! Hes the most over rated and over hyped QB in all of college. You know what, better yet, Tim Tebow is the Anti-Christ! Ah Yeah! :)

[Baracuda]

For the love of God, why do UT fans always prove what idiots they are on message boards? "Big Orange" is a classic example. Running off your mouth when ya'll finished DEAD LAST in the SEC East. I wouldn't be trashing OU and the Big 12, Vol fan. Ya'll couldn't even beat Wyoming on your homecoming.

[anissa]

if you think about it, the article itself is not downing Tim Tebow as a person, its basically making fun of the ESPN announcers that announced the game...you would think they were all in love with Tebow...so he's a good humanitarian and he's helped kids/people on missionary trips...and what exactly does that have to do with football??? the main thing here is that people need to understand there is no I in TEAM and in my opinion, Tim Tebow thinks he's the only one on the field...all he is, is an overrated QB that is as big a BALL HOG as the overrated T.O (Terrell Owens...how do you think the other Florida players feel getting no recognition what-so-ever???

[The Lucky Longhorn]

Wait, hold the presses, Tennessee has a football team?

[bri]

tebow is the college equivilent of brett favre.. over rated.. over hyped and worshipped for mediocrity

[InMB]

Whats with everyone hating on Tebow? Im not a Florida fan, but two national titles, a heisman trophy and two invites dont exactly scream over rated. He is the hardest working player in college football and I think he proved that with his statements after the Ole Miss game and with the results. Call him a ball hog, though i respectfully disagree, call him overrated, though i think there is no evidence of, but he is a great athlete and now has two national title rings.

[me]

ok so some of you may not agree with the "ball hog" comment...but let's see...Percy Harvin rushed for 122 yards...Tim Tebow rushed for 109...are you sure that's not hogging the ball from the other players??? i thought a QB was supposed to PASS the ball and that way the other players might have been recognized a little more than they were...

[Mike Cottmeyer]

Are we here to make sure everyone gets a touch or are we here to win championships? Personally, I'll take the championships. Go Gators! Glad Tim is coming back next year!

[Tricky]

When Tebow jumps in the ocean, he doesn't get wet, the ocean get's Tebowed.

[TVGirl]

As a journalist, I want to say that I fully agree with "anissa" - this article is not meant to ridicule Tim Tebow but the sports media who have turned him into some sort of deity. He is a great college football player - one of the best - and, he has done some wonderful things for children in the Phillipines, but he has also been blessed with those opportunities because his parents are missionaries. Many, many collegiate athletes contribute to their communities - they just don't receive the breadth of media coverage that Tim Tebow has. Sam Bradford is, in fact, an incredible football player, Big Orange, and also a model student with aspirations of entering the legal profession. Why are you so passionate about Tim Tebow anyway? I thought Vols and Gators were sworn enemies.

The point is, while Tim Tebow could likely do something about the media's singular focus on him over his teammates, he is - and I can't believe I'm saying this - human, and can be seduced by fame just like anyone else. Don't hate the player, hate the lazy journalists who would rather harp on the same story than search for the celebration-worthy stories that many collegiate athletes are keeping to themselves.

Oh, and by the way, I'm a Sooner - Journalism, Class of '02.

[B N]

One good thing about Obama.... he finally got Tebow OFF the TV (for a week, at least).

[mitchell]

As a huge gator and big tim tebow fan, this is HILARIOUS!

[Lucy]

The Lucky Longhorn, that was the funniest thing i've heard in a long time.

[generic viagra]

Since the 1930s the Supreme Court of the United States has interpreted the Commerce Clause of the Constitution of the United States in an expansive way that has dramatically

[Cheap Lakers Tickets]

The term "sport" is sometimes extended to encompass all competitive activities, regardless of the level of physical activity. Both games of skill and motor sport exhibit many of the characteristics of physical sports, such as skill, sportsmanship, and at the highest levels, even professional sponsorship associated with physical sports.

[Project Management Software]

The fact that art is so close to sports in some situations is probably related to the nature of sports. The definition of "sports" above put forward the idea of an activity pursued not just for the usual purposes, for example, running not simply to get places, but running for its own sake, running as well as we can.

[It's All Over]

Between these too-clever-by-a half marketing posts and today's passing of Gary Coleman, we can safely celebrate the total collapse of civilization.

I feel great knowing I don't have to put up with civilization any more.

[POP Displays]

thanks for this very interesting two down.That article.first is a great post with very interesting information.