Smack 11: Three's Company, Eleven's a Crowd Edition

 

By Brick Stevens
Sports Scribe/Wiseass

Who invited Nebraska to the national semi-finals? 

Alabama and Florida play on one side of the bracket with Texas and the Huskers on the other. Swap TCU or Boise State for Nebraska, and you're pretty close to something resembling a playoff.

While the SEC Championship game, or Eastern semi-final, promises to deliver some well-coached and hard-hitting football, I would avoid it at all costs. The CDC is warning that prolonged exposure to the the sugary adulation sure to be heaped on Tim Tebow by the CBS crew can actually lead to the onset of diabetes. 

Bama's defense will contain the Gators and the Tide offense has gotten better as the year's progressed. 

In the other semi-final, Texas QB Colt McCoy might total 175 rushing yards again this week, but it will be yards running around the backfield trying to avoid monstrous tackle Ndamukong Suh and the Nebraska defense. Still, a single touchdown is enough to beat Nebraska on most Saturday's and the Longhorns can find their way into the end zone. 

I like Texas to win the Western semi-final and meet Alabama in the national championship game.

BCS Contenders/Pretenders

Pretender: Pete Carroll

A week after grousing that he would "not forget it" ("it" being Stanford's decision to go for two in a lopsided win over USC), Pete Carroll has QB Matt Barkley toss a 50-yard touchdown pass against UCLA with seconds remaining in a 21-7 game.

Pretender: Rick Neuheisel

A timeout after USC has taken a knee at the end of the game? Really? I think I'm starting to side with Carroll on this one.

Pretender: Oklahoma State

It's Monday afternoon and the Cowboys still haven't gained a first down.

Contenders: Boise State and TCU

You know ... life's not fair. Either team would give the eventual Status Quo champ a game.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go interview for the Notre Dame job.

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[Massive Population Decline in Norman]

Over 40% of Norman’s population has deserted the city since Sam Bradford got hurt for good. At first the population decline was gradual but Norman residents lately have been seen leaving “in a goddern torrent” according to Norman mayor Felix Plogger.

“And they’s all sayin’ the same thing,” explained Plogger, “what’s the use a stayin’ here? We’re gonna suck again next year!”

Although no hard data yet exists for destinations, it is believed that many Normanites are moving to Ft. Worth and Boise where, many claim, “they got their shit together.”

Acres of empty trailers and mobile homes are available at “rock bottom prices” according to Norman real estate agent Fuzzy Agnor.