By Brick Stevens
Smack Sports Editor
Things we know in November ... The SEC has two good teams in Bama and Florida. LSU is ridiculously overrated ... Houston's Case Keenum is the Heisman frontrunner. Yes, that was a "period" ending that statement. What did Keenum do this weekend? 44-of-54 for a career-high 559 yards and five touchdowns, including the game winner with 21 seconds to go. Houston is 7-1 ... USC, like most teams depending on freshman QBs, is not that good ... The Big 12 has one good team ... and it's time we all get over the major conference mystique: TCU, Houston, Boise State and Cincy are all legit -- more importantly, we've never rolled into November with SEVEN undefeated teams. I don't see anyone beating six of those teams.
1. Texas
Finally woke up from its slumber with an impressive win at Oklahoma State. The Brickster has a feeling there are going to be no Texas Tech slip ups this year for the Longhorns.
2. TCU
Patterson's teams play defense as well as any "major."
3. Cincinnati
Best uniforms in the Smack Pack 11.
4. Houston
Still tied for the lead in the Big 12 South.
5. Boise State
The Broncs continue to roll.
6. New York Yankees
Mariano Rivera could stop any of the remaining teams by himself.
7. Notre Dame
If I don't get to Heaven, I'm going to be pissed.
8. Oregon
Likely Pac-10 champs, only loss was to Boise State.
9. Alabama
Those off weeks are brutal in the Smack Pack.
10. Iowa
Seriously? A 28-point fourth quarter rally to beat ... Indiana? Iowa is number four in the BCS poll, which should tell you how lame that poll is. The Hawkeyes have come from behind in EVERY SINGLE GAME to somehow make it to 9-0. A road game at Ohio State should end their fraudulent season.
11. Florida
Brandon Spikes eye gouged me. I thought I had the Gators at No. 1 and was just seeing double. When my vision cleared, it became apparent I'd actually ranked them No. 11. Oh well. My bad.
One can only hope that this is the year the BCS is screwed up beyond belief.
Factoid: Re the SEC record for rushing TDs - for some reason the TV announcers wanted to make a big effing deal about how Herschel Walker played one less year than Tebow. So somehow Tebow's record is diminished. What they left out is that by the end of the Georgia game, Tebow had 380 LESS rushes than Walker did in his three years. 380.
Also, thanks for your coded explanation of how it was that Herzogovenia actually gained its initial sovereignty. God that stuff is confusing. Or was.
Posted by: Thanks yet again Brickster | November 02, 2009 at 09:18 AM
Theophilus Jones, President Obama’s czar for Special Needs Payments, announced today that the US Government will pay Oklahoma fans a huge settlement for their suffering this season. “Ain’t nobody else in college football suffered the pain that Oklahoma fans have suffered this season,” Jones explained. “Hell they had a shot at the whole thing and then one injury and mishap after another happened. The rehab wards in the Norman area are over-flowing with distraught Sooner fans who took to drink to cope. So are the jails. Those people are hurtin’.”
The payment is on a sliding scale. The Congressional Budget Office has identified 10,000 especially distraught Sooner fans. They will receive $200,000.00 each. Another 90,000 fans, somewhat less distraught, will receive $50,000.00 each. “This totals $6.5 billion,” noted Jones. “It ain’t enough, but with all this economy crap, it is the best we can do.”
Virginia Tech, Mississippi, and Cal were also considered since their fans are hideously disappointed as well. However, in the case of VT and Ole Miss, their stinking performance has more to do with piss-poor playing rather than happenstance as in the case of Oklahoma. “And,” Jones noted, “Nobody gives a damn about West Coast teams.”
Payments are scheduled to be sent out on BCS Selection Day.
Posted by: Obama Administration to Help Out Distraught Sooner Fans | November 05, 2009 at 07:40 AM