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January 15, 2010

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Dick Arrested For Sexual Abuse

At least it wasn't one of the Bullnuts. The Bullnuts dick is named Sidney.


http://www.herald-dispatch.com/breaking/x818845820/Andy-Dick-arrested-by-HPD

Bucky Hostetter

Is オテモヤン one of them kamikaze pilots?

As for you Kaleigh, thanks. No one ever says nice stuff on here 'til you came along.

Obama to Retain Sporting Press to Straighten out BCS fiasco

WASHINGTON (SP) -- The Obama administration is considering several steps that would review the legality of the controversial Bowl Championship Series, the Justice Department said in a letter Friday to a senator who had asked for an antitrust review.

In the letter to Sen. Orrin Hatch, obtained by Sporting Press, Assistant Attorney General Ronald Weich wrote that the Justice Department will retain Sporting Press to straighen out the current BCS fiasco. The letter stated, "Sporting Press is the only sports organization with the integrity and know-how to resolve this mess in a fair manner." I

Sporting Press Yacht is Minor Collision

MIAMI (SP) -- The Sporting Press yacht, Farball, had a minor collision with a luxury liner today in Curacao. Damage was said to be light and there were no injuries.

The Farball is on a lengthy Caribbean cruise to reward the hard-working writers at Sporting Press. Brick is performing nightly.

Sporting Press Yacht Arrives in Rio

The Sporting Press yacht Farball, complete with all but one* employee has arrived in Rio to celebrate the Carnival, which begins this Friday.

According to SP spokesperson Bucky Hostetter the SP crowd "has been rigorously practicing our drinkin' and Samba steps." Hostetter is known for his samba moves despite his ridiculous physique. Brick Stevens, known for his total lack of dancing ability, will man a float and make his usual unerring predictions about whatever.

*Billy Mabis has been left behind for security purposes.

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160 Sporting Press Fans Drown on Alaskan Charter Boat

Bucky Hostetter, acting SP CEO, said today that "anyone who responds to an ad on this web site is asking to die!"

Hostetter said that while it is lamentable that so many SP fans drowned yesterday, "they are dumber than shit house rats for answering the ad! Goddafuckinmitee!"

It Can Now Be Revealed...

Liz Taylor was one of the telepathic subscribers to the new Sporting Press. She made a fortune off betting with the always accurate information SP provides to its Elect audience.

"Goddern she'll be missed," said a visibly shaken Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter.

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