Daily Doodle: Mardi Gras Manning

 

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[Sporting Press Revelers Participate in Bloco da Lama]

The entire Sporting Press workforce participated in the Carnival's Bloco da Lama mudfest today. http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/3328783/Mud-carnival-in-Rio

"Goddern, we're havin' fun!" said SP's acting CEO Bucky Hostetter. "And we deserve this too, after all the hard work we do." (Famous pronosticator Brick Stevens is visible at front left just behind the lady in the lower left corner. He is carrying a can of what appears to be Tecate).

[Ah, what's the use?]

Doug Fieger, author of the world's greatest song “My Sharona" is dead.

It's all over. We can't go on losing all of these great artists.

[Sporting Press Yacht Departs From Rio]

The Sporting Press yacht Farball has departed from Rio. "We're plumb wore out from all the partying," noted SP acting CEO Bucky Hostetter. "We're going to (deleted)for some rest."

Exact destinations for the Farball are never given in advance due to security concerns. The yacht, which was purchased via a billion dollar stimulus grant from the U S Government, is considered to be vulnerable to piracy, especially by foreign governments jealous of its unique technology.

The Farball is a nuclear-powered twin-hulled hovercraft capable of blazing speed, but the actual speed is classified. Likewise, its armament, unusual for a private yacht, is also classified but said to be "fearsome". The yacht was also built so as "not to lack any conceivable creature comfort."

[Sporting Press Yacht Missing, Fate Unknown]

The Coast Guard announced today that the Sporting Press yacht, Farball, has not been seen or heard from since it departed Rio.

A massive search effort is underway, but all hands are feared lost.

"This is turrible," said Billy Mabis, the only SP employee who did not go on the cruise. "I hope them folks is all right."

[Sporting Press Yacht Found! All safe!]

Henrik Schmierheinkel, a helicopter pilot with the vast search party looking for the missing SP yacht Farball, located the yacht and all of its passengers earlier today. “It was amazing,” Schmierheinkel noted. “I saw this large white thing on the surface of the ocean near Bonaire. I deduced that it was the ass of a snorkeling swimmer. I recognized the eagle tattoo and alerted HQ.” (Editor’s note: all Sporting Press employees have eagle tattoos on their asses).

The ass turned out to belong to acting Sporting Press CEO Bucky Hostetter who was snorkeling naked near the beach. The rescue teams quickly converged on the area and found the Farball and all of its passengers.

As Bucky Hostetter explained, “we decided to stop off for a butt naked vacation at the Sorobon Beach Resort in Bonaire. We didn’t see no reason to tell everyone about it, but I reckon everyone knows now. We’re sorry if people was worried about us.”

The Farball and its passengers have no current plans to end their formerly private vacation funded by a huge grant from the Obama administration. Brick Stevens was not part of the Sorobon endeavor and is believed to be back in the United States practicing his prognostication endeavors. Mr. Stevens does not have an eagle tattoo on his ass as far as is known.

[Question About Brick]

"Mr. Stevens does not have an eagle tattoo on his ass as far as is known."

Why would Brick be the only SP employee without an eagle tattoo on his ass?

Sporting Press should provide visual proof of this.

[Sporting Press Yacht Leaves Bonaire]

The Sporting Press yacht, Farball, has left Bonaire after the crew spent several weeks of butt naked vacationing.

The Farball was said to be heading NNE, but it's destination is highly classified as usual.

[Sporting Press Yacht Arrives in New York City]

The Sporting Press yacht Farball has arrived and berthed in New York City.

Acting CEO Bucky Hostetter refused to elaborate on the reasons why the Farball was visiting New York. "It's none a yer goddang business," he said.

[Sporting Press to Hire 1,000 lb. Receptionist?]

Media speculation abounds linking Sporting Press to Donna Simpson, a 600 lb. New Jersey woman vowing to weigh 1,000 lbs. In the recent past Sporting Press has had receptionists and even a female CEO who tipped the scales at 400+ lbs.

Acting CEO Bucky Hostetter, who is getting increasingly hostile to the media, says that such speculation is "a crock a dang shit!" Furthermore, Ms. Simpson "don't even weigh a 1000 lbs yet! Goddamitee!"

[Reason for New York Visit by Sporting Press Revealed!]

Stalwart reporters, after staking out the SP yacht Farball, have uncovered the reason why the entire Sporting Press staff is visiting New York City – colonic hydrotherapy! This is a process whereby a small disposable speculum is introduced into the rectum where 25-30 gallons of warm, clean water enters in and out of the colon. Amazingly, a colonic hydrotherapy session is equivalent to 20-30 regular bowel movements or “dumps” as most people call them. Sometimes warm wine is used so that the “patient” can also get drunk as hell.

Bucky Hostetter, acting CEO at Sporting Press, is infuriated at the unwanted publicity. “Why can’t you rat bastards leave us alone!” Hostetter screamed at the media. “We’re billionaires now and we can spend money on stuff like this. And it ain’t none a yer goddang business!”

It is believed that the combination of Mardi Gras in Rio and a butt-naked vacation in Bonaire led the exhausted Sporting Press employees to a famous colonic institute in New York.

It is unknown if the famous prognosticator Brick Stevens is also undergoing therapy.

[Brick is in New York With the Rest of 'Em]

Brick is there and getting multiple cleansings a day. Fess Parker revealed this just before he died earlier today.

I swear to God this is the truth. I swear to God.

[Sporting Press Yacht Departs NY, Colonic Technicians Wowed]

The Sporting Press yacht Farball has departed New York City. It's next destination, as always, is highly classified.

Technicians at the Colonic Institute were amazed by acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter's "treatment."

"That boy," exclaimed a technician, "had 25 colonic hydrotherapy sessions in 6 days. That's a minimum of 625 gallons of water going up his butt and the excreta equivalent of 625 bowel movements. All in six days!"

"Hostetter," the technician further elaborated, "was the most full of shit patient who has ever come here for treatment."

[Sporting Press Yacht Arrives in Washington, D. C.]

The Sporting Press yacht Farball has arrived in Washington, D. C. and has berthed at the Washington Navy Yard.

The reason for the Farball's presence in D. C. is unknown. Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter had nothing to say to the media.

He did, however, give them the finger.

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[Sporting Press Yacht Departs Washington, D. C.]

This here," said Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter, "was our best trip ever! It even beat the buck nekkit vacation in Bonaire!"

According to Hostetter, President Obama "slipped another billion" to Sporting Press. In addition, the entire company stayed at Camp David while Hostetter accompanied Obama to Afghanistan, "to cheer up the troops."

Hostetter also noted, "To tell the truth, we really needed another billion. We spent a dang fortune on our yacht Farball. And it's like Obama said, this country NEEDS Sporting Press. Without SP everything would be like totally unfunny."

The next destination of the Farball is, as always, highly classified.

[Sporting Press Yacht Spotted Passing Thru Gibralter]

Its ultimate destination is unknown.

The entire world is breathless with anticipation.

[Sporting Press Yacht Arrives in Rome]

The Farball has berthed at Civitavecchia.

The media has not been allowed anywhere near the Sporting Press yacht. There is still no word as to what the purpose of the trip is.

[Sporting Press Yacht Quarantined]

No one is being allowed to leave the Sporting Press yacht.

The Eyetalian police have cordoned off the entire area and will not give out information.

[Papal Swiss Guard Escorts Father Gabriele Amorth to SP Yacht]

Father Gabriele Amorth, world renowned Vatican exorcist, has rushed to the Sporting Press yacht Farball. A phalanx of Papal Swiss Guards provided secuity while Father Amorth quickly boarded the yacht.

Rumors abound but based on the good Father's track record of 70,000 exorcisms, it is likely that someone on the Farball is possessed by Satan and needs help.

[Father Amorth Leaves Sporting Press Yacht]

The Papal Swiss Guard escorted Father Amorth off of the Farball this morning, his work apparently done.

Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter has promised to inform the public of what occurred "in the next 24 hours or so".

[Acting Sporting Press CEO Explains Exorcism Situation]

Acting Sporting Press CEO Bucky Hostetter addressed the media this morning in regard to the recent exorcism on the SP yacht Farball. His taped statement follows.

“Mornin’. I reckon by now everbody knows that Father Garbriele Amorth was here doin’ an exorcism on one of our employees. For privacy reasons I ain’t tellin’ you who this person was. I’ll just refer to him as “The Prognosticator”.

Anyway, we shoulda noticed something was up a couple of years back when Bri, er The Prognosticator, started doin’ his football picks. For starters, he was always 100% right and never missed nary a one. More disturbin’ was that the articles were loaded with secret code that revealed everythang from who was goin’ to win on Saturday to what stocks to buy. And a lot of folks made a lot of money. Normally this would be a good thang, but when our fans make a lot of money you know they’re just goin’ to get drunker on more expensive liquor than normal, wreck cars, get tossed in jail, etc.

Well, you know how you just get used to things. Over time Bri, er The Prognosticator, got stranger and stranger. When we wuz in New York getting’ our colonic hydrotherapy one of the colonic technicians noticed that The Prognosticator had hooves instead of feet. It was then that we come over here to Rome to get the boy treated.

And it cost us too. Exorcisms ain’t cheap. But all is well now, he’s back to normal. Hell I saw him in the yacht bar this morning smackin’ back vodka shooters. We’re just hopin’ that The Prognosticator will be up to snuff come next football season.”

Footnote: the Farball has left Italy and is now bound for home, an undisclosed location in Norman, Oklahoma.

[Sporting Press Employees Back in Norman]

After a circuitous trip to Rio, Bonaire, New York City, and Rome, the Sporting Press yacht Farball is now parked in a custom garage on SP property.

While no one knows what route the Farball took to get home, the satirical sports team is back and, according to acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter, "rarin' to go."

A large group of drunken fans, many with ankle bracelets, is said to have welcomed the Farball home.

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i like this part of the post:"The entire Sporting Press workforce participated in the Carnival's Bloco da Lama mudfest today. " is very good