Daily Doodle: The Good News is You're The No. 2 Seed...

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[DeanIna31]

The personal loans are essential for guys, which would like to start their own company. In fact, that is easy to get a bank loan.

[Acting Sporting Press CEO Scared by Fireball]

The fireball that appeared in the midwest two nights back, "like to scared the forty bill hell" out of acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter.

"I heard our employees hollerin about a farball," said Hostetter. "I thought something was wrong with our yacht. Then I seen the sky all lit up. I damn near crapped myself. I just hope that thing ain't an omen of some kind."

[Sporting Press Announces Major Construction Plan]

Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter announced today that Sporting Press has started construction on a ten story building with luxury condos for all of the employees. It will be located next door to SP Headquarters.

"It'll be a goodern too," Hostetter explained. "All the condos will be jammed with HD TVs, and ever kind of electronic gizmo you can imagine. Plus they're being furnished by a company in Paris, France."

"The best part is the first two floors. There'll be a 20 lane bowling alley, a full-sized basketball gym, a fully equipped work out room, a billiard parlor, tennis courts, racketball courts, handball courts, hot tubs, saunas, a double sized swimming pool, four full-time massuses and two full-time colonic hydrotherapists. We done thought of everything."

"Our employees deserve the best. Only by doing stuff like this can we continue to provide such a fine product."

[Acting SP CEO Issues Edict to Employees]

Note to all Employees!

At no time is you allowed to talk to aliens, that is people from outer space. Stevie Hawking says it is dangerous and by God no one at SP is going to cause the end of the Earth.

Signed,

Bucky Hostetter, Acting CEO

[Alien SP Employee Fired]

"Well if this don't beat all," fumed Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter. "No sooner do we ban talkin' to aliens, we discover that Billy Mabis is from another galaxy and has been workin' here for years!"

"In hindsight we shoulda known. He was the one guy in here nobody could goose. That's cause he has a big eye on the back of his head that don't allow no one to sneak up on him. You couldn't goose Billy to save your life."

[Sporting Press buys a mascot!]

Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter announced today that after a long search Sporting Press has finally purchased a mascot.

"It's somethin' we've been wanting for a long time. We wound up with some kind of billy goat but he does something that reminds us of us. See for yourself."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBOOe0VHlVM&feature=youtube_gdata

[Sporting Press names mascot!]

Calipari!

After all, this is exactly what he does to the Kentucky fan base. Keeps 'em happy and it don't matter if it disgusts everyone else.

[Calipari Castrated]

"It sounds worse than it is," explained Acting CEO Bucky Hostetter. "But he's just a dang goat and he was trying to mount everything in the building, including me. We just had enough of it, is all. Calipari will be fine in a day or two."

[Neanderthal Genes Detected in 19 Sporting Press Employess]

The National Science Foundation has released its long-awaited Neanderthal genome report. Included in the findings is the revelation that many Sporting Press employees have Neanderthal genes, nineteen in fact.

Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter, brandishing a tree trunk as a club, said "this is a crock a dang shit! And I'm gonna kill the first scientist I see today!"

[Calipari's Tapeworm Terminated]

The Sporting Press vet announced today that Calipari's enormous tapeworm has been terminated.

"Man it was a bigun too," SP Acting CEO Bucky Hostetter opined. "I don't know how Calipari ever digested any food. That tapeworm's head was as big as a man's fist!"

[Calipari "Euthanized"]

SP Acting CEO Bucky Hostetter announced today that the Sporting Press mascot, Calipari, has been euthanized. "This weren't workin' out. The dang goat just wasn't bein' cooperative, plus he broke his horns and couldn't even scratch his ass anymore. The scratchin' was the reason we brought him in. So I plugged him this mornin' with my .40 cal Glock."

No information was given as to whether or not Sporting Press will get another mascot.

[Calipari to Cleveland? Did SP help?]

So maybe all the publicity over Calipari the mascot got the Cleveland Cavaliers interested in Coach Calipari.

You know this is exactly what happened.

[What's Up With Brick?]

We ain't heard nothin' from or about him since he had his exorcism. He OK?

[Brick's Doin' Just Fine]

Acting SP CEO Bucky Hostetter says that since his exorcism, "Brick is doin' jes fine."

"God knows we had to spend the bucks on that exorcism, but Brick is worth it. Course you can't always be sure that the end results will be 100% of what you want them to be. We got him pretty well back to normal except for his feet, which are still cloven hoofs. He can't decide whether to wear special shoes or get horsehoes for 'em."

"We're hopin' his prognosticatin' skills are what they used to be. Won't know until football season."

[Dennis Hopper's Last Words]

"Read....Sporting...Pre...."

Too many people are dying these days wishing they had spent more time reading Sporting Press. In Hopper's case, if he had spent more time reading Brick's coded prognostications, he would be alive today.

[Al and Tipper - Brick's fault]

The only thing holding Al's marriage together was Brick's coded messages in his football prognostications. When football ended, so did the marriage.

Jeez Brick why don't you prognosticate year round?

[Gulf Oil Spill - Brick's fault]

Brick's fault completely. Without his future vision we don't know what is going to happen so we can't take steps to prevent it from happening.

[SOONERS WIN! SOONERS WIN! NATIONAL CHAMPS!!!]

Essentially, the NCAA hammered USC's vaunted football program -- 13 vacated wins, including its 55-19 Orange Bowl win over Oklahoma.

Which makes up for everything since it means that the Sooners won the National Championship that year. Those dirty cheaters at Southern Cal got it in the butt.

[UNBRIDLED JOY IN NORMAN! OBAMA CALLS!]

1000s of Sooner fans have converged on downtown Norman to celebrate the 2004 National Championship. Joy prevails.

President Obama has called Coach Stoops and invited the entire staff and players on the 2004 team to visit the White House!

[VP Biden Addresses Sooner Nation]

Vice President Joe Biden made an unexpected visit to Norman last night to take part in the joyous celebration of the 2004 national football championship.

Standing arm-in-arm with Coach Stoops, Biden observed that the somewhat delayed championship "is fucking great!"

[President Obama Honors 2004 Oklahoma National Champs]

President Obama took time off from the G20 summit to return to Washington and host a belated ceremony to honor the 2004 Sooner football national championship.

"I know we're 6 years late," Obama opined, "but it took a long time to bust USC for running an out of control football program. The wheels of justice turn slowly but justice will prevail. Congratulations to the 2004 Sooner football team - National Champs!"

Then, to the delight of all, President Obama sang a solo, the likes of which some said was the most beautiful rendition of Boomer Sooner ever sung.

Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner
Boomer Sooner, OK U!
Oklahoma, Oklahoma
Oklahoma, Oklahoma
Oklahoma, Oklahoma
Oklahoma, OK U!
I'm a Sooner born and Sooner bred
and when I die, I'll be Sooner dead
Rah Oklahoma, Rah Oklahoma
Rah Oklahoma, OK U!

[Puma Golf Shoes]

Awesome information. Thank you for posting and keep up the good work. I'll be following your blog closely from now on! :-)

[Success is Assured...amen]

Meanwhile we'll be boycotting Puma shoes.

[Man Dies Because of Puma Shoes]

There was this guy in Tusayan, Arizona who died because of his Puma shoes. The dang shoes are so poorly made they wouldn't take him where he wanted to go. He wanted to stay on the tourist trail but, no, the shoes took him down the short route to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

I swear to God this is true. Do NOT wear Puma shoes unless you want to wind up dead.

[Puma shoes cause joggers feet to fall off]

There were these four guys in Hampstead, New York. After jogging a couple of miles in their Pumas, guess what happened? When they took their shoes off, their feet came off with the shoes.

I swear to God this happened. It was in the paper.