Sporting Press

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A New Sporting Press is Coming This Month ... We Think

SOMEWHERE NOT MAKING THINGS UP (SP) -- Baka Yaro, CEO of Kansai Krap Ltd., the Tokyo-based parent company of Sporting Pressures, LLC, publisher of Sporting Press, announced today that the popular sports satire site will relaunch in July 2010 with new features and the return of a number of past SP writers.

"Kansai Krap has been trying, without success, to make Sporting Press a profitable venture since 1998," said Yaro. "We tried partnering with rivals.com and they go out of business. Then, we followed time-honored American business practices and laid off the entire staff and offered a scaled back version of the site, which consisted largely of cartoons we copied and pasted from other sites on the Internet."

Yaro said the company, which specializes in plastic action figures based on Japanese B-movies, was going to commit its substantial resources to relaunch the site in the coming weeks.

"We currently have commitments from top comedy and sports writers to contribute content to the site," Yaro said. He declined to name any "top comedy and sports writers" and bristled at a question regarding "commitment."

"You read. You laugh. End of story," he said before making a series of odd noises meant to simulate the sound of a bad connection. "No more questions. Bad connection. Sayonara."

Steve Hill, the site's sometime cartoonist, said he had been asked to contribute a sports-themed comic strip to the revamped site. Hill said when he asked about pay, he also got the unconvincing bad connection noises.

SP editor Brick Stevens says he is unsure when the launch would take place. "When I asked when I should expect the additional staff and a launch date, Mr. Yaro started making stormy noises, yelled 'tsunami' in the phone and hung up. I guess just keep checking back."